Dr. James Dobson
December 21, 2002
Differences in Girls and Boys
- In the 1970's a few insisted the sexes were identical except for reproduction.
- Those ideas have pervaded society ever since.
- Men are being pressed to be women and women are being pressed to be men.
- There is still a lot of confusion about who we are as men and women.
- In the 1980's it was found that male and female brains functioned differently.
- That confirmed the gender differences revealed by God in Scripture.
Why Focus on Boys and Not Girls?
- Boys have six times the learning disabilities as girls.
- There are three times as many male registered drug addicts as female.
- Four times as many boys are diagnosed with emotional disturbances as girls.
- The vast majority of violent crimes are committed by men.
- Boys more than girls receive social harassment in the form of bullying.
Fathers and Sons
- There are two critical periods of development: age 3-5 and puberty.
- At 3-5 boys shift their focus from mom to dad and crave their attention.
- Boys watch intently their father's behavior and values.
- A "good family man" is a provider, leader, protector and gives spiritual direction.
- Fathers influence by modeling and by instruction.
Mothers and Sons
- Women who didn't have brothers are shocked by the physicality of boys.
- Parents in the U.S. spend less time with their children than any other nation.
- Kids in daycare are 3 times as likely to have behavior problems in kindergarten.
- Lifeless infants in a Romanian orphanage show the effects of neglect.
- A lack of mother-son bonding is related to health problems in later years.
- Leaving a baby in child care should be a last resort.
- A baby's needs of touch, nurture, permanence, etc. are best met by mom.
- Scale back from the "routine panic" that a two career family creates.
- 4 key times of connection: early morning, after school, dinner and bedtime.
Competition
- Boys as natural competitors must learn to win and loss graciously.
- There will be wins and losses for the rest of life.
- Parents must also realize this and not pressure or criticize their kids.
- Parents and coaches must model sportsmanship, self control and teamwork .
Schooling
- The majority of classrooms, especially elementary, are designed by women.
- Women design them to fit a girl's temperament.
- Boys excel in gross motor, visual and spatial skills and exuberance.
- These things are typically not well received in school.
- Often boys are anesthetized or held back a grade.
- Get involved in teaching your boy and seek tutorial help.
- Home schooled kids test higher than public schooled kids.
- They also involve themselves more in civic affairs when older.
Motivation to Do right
- In a post-modern world, an origin by chance leads to a meaningless life.
- Protect kids from the destructive ideas and images that come from this view.
- Create an emotional closeness that makes children want to do right.
- Since "rules without relationship leads to rebellion," build relational closeness.
- Create closeness by having fun as a family in a variety of activities.
- The most memorable childhood moments may be dad wrestling on the floor.
- The first 5 minutes can set the tone for the remainder of the time.
- If you overreact and wrong the child, repair the damage as quickly as possible.
Discipline and Work
- Culture has swung from oppressiveness to permissiveness in 150 years.
- The permissive child centered approach creates "little terrors" at home.
- Parents need to use their God-given authority to direct and shape their kids.
- The balance between compassion and judgment appears throughout the Bible.
- There is a time for affirmation and tenderness and for discipline and punishment.
- Learning to work teaches self-discipline and control of impulses.
- Give meaningful work and compensate when it goes beyond the call of duty.
- Help children to become little entrepreneurs and take them to work.
- Teach them to be willing to work and go beyond that to be devoted to a cause.
The Ultimate Priority
- Consider the basic issues of life before pressures of job and family distract you.
- Introduce your children to Jesus and His teachings when they are young.
- It is progressively harder to influence children spiritually as they get older.
- Pray , it is the key to everything.
- Love demands freedom, so you must let go as your child becomes an adult.
